Colossians 3:18-25 – The Family Deficit

Colossians 3:18-25 – The Family Deficit

INTRODUCTION

An expert economist once wrote in The Washington Post… “Along with the budget deficit, we have a family deficit… We’ve learned that what good families provide cannot easily be gotten elsewhere. For the nation, this is the deficit that matters most.” I think he’s on to something… 

A pastor took up a new ministry in a small town and he started by visiting the homes of all those who attended the church. He stopped at one house and spoke only to the husband because the wife was away. When the man’s wife returned, he mentioned the new pastor’s visit. 

The wife asked, “What did he say?” 

The husband said, “He asked, ‘Does Christ live here?’… He didn’t really ask anything else. Just, ‘Does Christ live here?”’ 

The wife promptly responded… “Well, surely you told him that we’re the church’s biggest supporters!” 

“No. He didn’t ask about that. He only asked if Christ lived here.” 

“Okay, but you must have mentioned that we read our Bible and pray every day?” 

“You know… he didn’t ask about that either. He only asked, “Does Christ live here?”’

“Well, she persisted… did you tell him that we attend services every Sunday and we sit in the front row and we’re ready to learn and be challenged from God’s Word?”

“Honestly honey… he didn’t ask about anything else. He only wanted to know, “Does Christ live here?” 

Let’s say someone just observed a month of normal life in your home. Would they see the virtues Paul describes in Colossians 3:12-17… hearts of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, love, unity, gratitude, wisdom, and worship… how would these questions be answered if we caught a glimpse of normal life in your household: 

• Do the people under your roof know that God loves them deeply as His own children?
• Are your identities securely rooted in Him?
• Are you interactions marked by compassion, gentleness, humility, and patience?
• Do you approach conflict with a desire to win arguments or a commitment to bearing each other’s burdens and mirroring Christ’s forgiveness? Do you worship together with the rest of God’s people, and is this worship carried into every area of your lives? 

Our text this morning gives us God’s directives for home and work life… Paul addresses the “Family Deficit,” but without these questions as the backdrop… we are sure to miss the point. There is no part of your world that Jesus doesn’t want to rule. Jesus is present every hour of every day, ready to fill each of these moments with His life and lordship. 

If I can be bold here at the start… if you aren’t worshiping with your life seven days a week, what you do with your lips on Sunday morning doesn’t really matter a whole lot. Paul prefaces this conversation around home and work with verse 17, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” Let’s see where he goes from here… 

Marriage – Colossians 3:18-19

18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. 

There are a lot of bad marriage jokes out there…

• If love is one long sweet dream, then marriage is the alarm clock.
• If love is blind, then marriage is a miraculous eye-opener. 

It’s really kind of sad. A simple search online with “marriage jokes” in the search bar will bring up all kinds of cliches about the lack of harmony or satisfaction in marriage. Marriages are seemingly not well today. And that’s why they tend to make for an easy target. My conviction is that marriage is one of God’s greatest ideas. No other horizontal relationship has a greater potential for love and growth and healing. 

As much as I love the design behind marriage and as amazing as it is … it’s also a little crazy to me… why? Because in marriage, God has entrusted real human beings with delicate and generation-altering realities. It’s kind of a big deal… marriage stands near the center of God’s purposes for the world and certainly at the top of Paul’s instructions for the household. Family and church are the two avenues that God has ordained for the work of ministry to take place! 

Did you catch the context of this? This follows the command to do everything in the name of Jesus… which means that “Whatever you do” of verse 17 includes the way we treat our spouses. And Paul doesn’t just give us this high and mighty calling and then expect us to complete it perfectly in our own strength… being in Christ means that we’re being renewed daily to look more and more like the Son… 

How does that translate to marriage? Well… we first have to ask: what’s marriage even for? What’s the purpose? I don’t think it comes as a surprise when I say that marriage is in the midst of a cultural crisis. We’ve all heard the divorce rate statistics, not that you needed numbers to confirm what many of you have lived through or what all of you have seen in some capacity. 

I would argue that the purpose of marriage in our world has been reduced to making each other happy. No external driving forces keep husbands and wives together. Marriage has become a relationship that exists purely for itself. Don’t get me wrong… making your husband or wife happy certainly isn’t bad… but that’s a lot of pressure! And marriages that are built on that foundation tend to struggle because they cannot sustain during the dry spells or hard times. Because they were built on the foundation of happiness… rather than the Biblical purpose of marriage. Let’s let the text guide our understanding of what marriage is intended to be… it was God’s idea after all… Taking our cues from the context of Colossians 3:18-19, let’s think through the question of what marriage is for. 

• First, I would identify the big picture purpose of marriage as this… to honor the name of Jesus. Colossians 3:17 couldn’t make this any clearer. Husbands, how you treat your wife should make people think of Jesus. Wives, how you treat your husbands should bring honor to Jesus’ name. 
• Second, marriage is ministry. Marriage is the place for Jesus-followers to take their faith to the next level. Spiritual maturity is not measured by how much you read your Bible and pray, but by how well you love God and love people. Marriage provides a daily avenue for you to love God and love people. Marriage is ministry at its hardest and finest. Marriage, like the church as a whole, is a school of love. 
• Third, marriage is the backbone of society. Godly marriages form the basis of creating Great Commission homes… and Great Commission homes form the basis of creating Great Commission churches… and Great Commission churches change the world with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Get this wrong and the consequences can be as destructive as they are far reaching. Get this right and our homes and our workplaces will become vehicles by which God will work to see His mission realized in the world. The purpose of marriage is to show the world what God’s love looks like in action. 

Let’s look at the text… When Paul tells wives to be subject to husbands to love their wives… he isn’t talking about who should make more money, pick the kids up from school, or even who cleans the dishes. That being said, what Paul is saying is really not very complicated… marriage works best when it functions according to the design it was given. What’s that design? It’s the Gospel. Marriage works best when husbands sacrificially serve their wives and wives gently respect their husbands. Paul speaks to both husbands and wives tells them to take their responsibility for their contributions to having a healthy home! Husbands are not told to demand deference or put wives in their place. Likewise, husbands are to take responsibility to love their wives and not “to become bitter or angry when she turns out to be, like him, a real human being, and not merely the projection of his own hopes or fantasies. 

Emerson Eggerichs refers to a study where 7,000 people were asked this question: When you are in a conflict with your spouse, do you feel unloved or disrespected? Over 70% of the women said “unloved” and over 80% of the men said “disrespected.” Apparently, Paul knows something about how marriage works in every era… of course this doesn’t mean men don’t need love and women don’t need respect. Both matter to all of us. but marital breakdown tends to happen when husbands fail to love their wives or when wives disrespect their husbands. This sets in motion a destructive back-and-forth cycle that squeezes the life out of even “Christian” homes. 

Husbands, if you don’t feel you’re being respected, ask yourself if you’re giving love. Wives, if you don’t feel loved, ask whether your husband feels respected. Then both of you right the ship by following Paul’s instructions. Lean on God’s love for you and give to your spouse the love and respect they need. 

If your marriage is hurting, get help today. Marriage is too important – and life is too short – to passively allow your home to descend further away from God’s design. Do whatever it takes to make things right, and watch God not only increase your own joy but also work through your Christ-centered family to bring life and healing to others. 

PARENTING

20 Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.

I think every parent thinks of their kids as adorable… at least for a time… I certainly believe that to be true of my daughter. We’re in a great season where Selah can talk enough to be dangerous. One of the joys of this season is when we’re driving and she sees animals as we go down the road… we have these conversations often:

• “Luke (how Selah says “look”) Dad… cows!”
• You’re right! What sound does a cow make?
• “Mooooooo.”
• Or… “Pee you, sheepies…”
• Yeah those are some stinky sheepies… what sound does a sheep make?
• “Baa, baa…”
• What noise does a cat make? “Meow. Meow.” 

You get the point… super cute. I’ve made a couple trips over the past year and a half for some Bible and ministry classes I’m taking… which means I’ve been gone for a week at a time from my family. Not fun… and when I get back home… it’s always crazy how much Selah changed in that short time. How much she learned. And how much she grew. And every time she learns something new or does something for the first time, I’m always super proud of her! But I’m also kind of sad at the same time. Because time is flying by. 

Kids are cute. If being mommies and daddies involved nothing more than enjoying and celebrating cuteness, then parenting would be easy. 

But parenting is not easy. It’s not easy because sometimes… really cute kids grow up to be bratty teenagers, or even worse… evil adults. We know this, and we feel this pressure (even we don’t talk about it that bluntly). And so, we do our best to try to avoid complete disaster as we raise up these little people. But we don’t always know if by doing our best we’re doing what actually is best. Parenting is not easy because we know how much is riding on the line, and yet we don’t have an official daily scorecard to track our performance or measure our progress. 

Praise God we have the Bible. The Bible is not a detailed parenting manual, but it does give principles that form the foundation for faithful parenting. Paul’s words here put it succinctly. 

• Children, obey you parents in all things… this is pleasing to the Lord.
• Fathers, don’t push your children too hard, so they won’t become discouraged. 

One thing I notice here is that Paul addresses the dads specifically. Not that this doesn’t apply to mothers as well, but the role of dad for the health of our families cannot be overlooked. Again, I don’t need to go through the stats about the correlation between fatherless homes and incarceration rates, or homelessness, or poor school performance, or teen pregnancy… 

These statistics are just statistics… what I always like to say about statistics is: “you don’t have to be one.” But at the very least… these patterns ought to wake dads up everywhere! Fatherlessness – the kind where dads are literally gone as well as the kind where dads might as well be – may be the most crippling social peril of our time. 

Men, our families are dying because we are too selfish to stay with them or too busy to pay attention to them. Dads, here’s the challenge: pass on the spiritual inheritance you received from your family (if you were blessed enough to receive one). If not, create a legacy if the fathers before you neglected to do so. Regardless of the past, the future is your responsibility. You might have some good excuses, but the excuses end here. The Word says that this is your job. 

If you’re more interested in your work, or football, or television, then I think you’re making a big mistake. At that point, who is really training your kids? The TV? The kids across the street? The internet? Video games and movies? Please don’t stick your heads in the sand on this one. Don’t let the opportunity to train your children pass you by … the stakes are too high. 

Dads, please be diligent. Do it for the sake of your kids and future generations. It’s not just your role, it’s not just the right thing to do, it’s a Biblical calling. Engage our families and lead them spiritually… or watch our kids drift further and further away from the God who sent His only Son to bring them home. 

Can you do whatever is necessary to “bring up your children in the training and instruction of the Lord” as Paul put it in Ephesians 6:4. There is no greater thing you can give to your kids… no greater gift you could do than to train them to trust and follow Jesus. 

Simply put, Paul sees two principles at work in faithful parenting… 

1. The first is gentleness… “don’t push your children too hard, so they don’t become discouraged.”
   1. We shouldn’t hound our kids so much that they give up trying to please us! If they become dispirited to the point of quitting, we have a problem. 
   2. We want to build our kids’ sense of value, not tear it down. We don’t let our kids run the home, but we create clear boundaries, and we show them grace, too. 
2. The other half of this recipe for successful parenting is that children obey their parents. Mothers and fathers are the authority in the home. Parents lead and guide, children follow and obey. 
   1. In that parallel passage from Ephesians, Paul gives us the grid for what we tell them to do: we bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. 
   2. We don’t fall into the “I’m going to let my kids find their own course in life” trap. Trusting children to “find their own way” in this world or “discover what to believe on their own” – without Christ-centered discipleship and discernment – is about as unwise and unloving as dropping someone in the ocean before teaching them how to swim. 

Let’s be honest and gracious for a second. You are never going to do it perfectly, so you might as well make the jump and just start. I don’t want to leave you floundering, so here’s some practical ideas that might help you start making a difference in your family:

1. Pray with your wife. If you haven’t made a habit of this, it might seem weird and awkward at first. But again, just do it. Pray before meals, pray at night, pray together for each of your kids.
2. Pray with your kids. Tuck ‘em in, grab ‘em by the hand, and let them listen as you thank God for them and ask for His blessings over their lives.
3. Study the Bible. Start reading your Bible where your family can see you… not for show like the Pharisees, but as an authentic model for your family. Then start reading your Bible to them. You’re training them to carry on the legacy with their future family, so as they grow older, let them read to you. You have your whole life to get better at this, but most importantly just start now! 
4. Teach them apologetics. Show them why we believe what we believe and why the Scriptures are true and to be followed in life and family. Explain to them how this all fits together and why it makes sense. This might mean, you have to study it yourself. 
5. Go to church and be the church. Teach them to love and cherish and serve the body of Christ. It’s the hope of the world. Jesus only has one bride, you want them to be part of it. 

We love our kids by teaching them how to live well in Christ, always being mindful of the danger of pushing too hard. Simple? Sure it is. Easy? Not even close. And finally… 

WORK

22 Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters on earth, not with external service, as those who merely please men, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. 25 For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.

Work was not our idea. Work was part of God’s original design for creation. God’s first command to men and women was to make babies… and then to get to work. We were tasked with extending God’s dominion throughout the world. We were instructed to cultivate creation’s fruitfulness through organization and planning and division of labor and good old-fashioned blood, sweat, and tears. We were made to work. Which means, by definition, that work is good. 

Work is NOT part of the curse we brought on ourselves through sin. Work was given to us prior to Genesis 3… work is a GOOD gift from a GOOD God. But it still bears the marks of sin’s curse. We live and work in a wounded world… and there is a strain between management and labor… there’s tension. 

Tension is no stranger to the workplace… certainly not between employers and employees. Before speaking of this tension any further in light of what Paul says… we probably should address the elephant in this text… 

To put it simply, this passage isn’t about “work” per se. It’s about slavery. Which raises a question we need to briefly address: Why didn’t Paul push for complete abolition of slavery?

Here’s a couple things to keep in mind as we try to understand Paul’s words here…

• First, “slavery” has more than one meaning. What comes to mind for many Americans is different from the slavery Paul knew. Slaves in the ancient world were trusted with different kinds of tasks depending on ability and training, some of which were not at all backbreaking or degrading. That being said, slaves were still considered property, so we shouldn’t pretend that slavery was generally desirable or a good thing. 
• Second, we need to read what Paul says here in light of the overall arc of Scripture on this issue. We let Scripture interpret Scripture. In Philemon, another letter that Paul wrote to the churches in Colossae, Paul goes a few steps further in undermining the institution of slavery… he gently demands that a slave owner accept his ex-runaway slave as an equal. Generally speaking, the Bible moves further and further away from the acceptance of slavery, so we should follow that trajectory to its logical conclusion. 
• Third, Paul is saying something far more radical than we might think… Paul not only mentions slaves… but he affirms their value as substantial members of the community. I hope you noticed that he mentions Jesus as LORD 5 times in this text… both slave and master answer to their common Master, Jesus Christ…. which puts them on equal footing in the relationship that matters most! This text is the death note of slavery. How can a master go on treating his slave as nothing, when they both will stand before the same God to answer for the way they lived? 

With all that in mind, let’s get back to work. Paul gives 5 basic principles in this text. 

To employees:

1. Do your job. “Obedience” may not always be an appropriate word to describe an employee’s response to an employer’s request, but the principle remains the same: do what you signed up to do. Obviously, this DOES NOT apply if you’re told to do anything that dishonors Christ. But generally speaking, your job is to do your job. 
2. Work hard all the time. Literally Paul says to work from the soul, which means wholeheartedly or without reservation. Laziness is not a virtue! Whether the type that sits on the couch or the kind that gravitates to the water cooler (or social media websites). If you are not working hard, you’ve missed the point somewhere in your pursuit of Jesus.  
3. Remember who you work for. Paul emphasizes the problem of people working hard only when the boss is around. Looking like you’re working hard is NOT the same thing as working hard. Paul’s problem with faking it is that our real boss is always watching! Paul repeats the phrase “Serve the Lord” 3 times… meaning, you better know who you’re actually working for! We work for Jesus. We aim to please Him. Remember this when you finish your lunch break. Your ultimate Lord is not the customer service manager, or the CEO, the board of trustees, or the stock market. Your one and only Lord is Jesus. Serve Him. 

And to management he gives these two principles:

1. Don’t abuse your power. You are in a position of power over others. You can use your power to enhance your own position, prestige, or bank account; or you can use it to serve those above you (which is another way of accomplishing or you can use it to serve those “under” you. Paul, like Jesus, favors that last option. You are in a position of leadership for the sake of those you’re leading, not the other way around. Your responsibility, as Paul names it here, is to provide justice and fairness for everyone. 
2. Remember who you work for. No matter who you are, no matter how much more you have, you don’t sit on top of the totem pole. If you are 100 yards above your employees, Jesus is still miles higher than you. You are, in the final analysis, very small. 

With God there is no favoritism. When masters and slaves stand before the Judge of all the earth, they will be NOT be divided into two separate lines. Masters will not receive the preferential treatment, and slaves won’t be served last. 

If you’re a boss of any kind- the shift manager at Taco Bell or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, it doesn’t matter…respect your workers. Treat them the way Jesus treats you.

Either way, whether worker or boss… the text issues the same expectation. Remember to take up your cross daily because you’re ultimately working for the King. 

Do we have a family deficit? Yes. Does Scripture provide the framework to right this ship. Yes and amen. 

1) Children, honor God in your relationship with your parents. 

2) Parents, honor God in your discipleship of your children. 

3) Workers, honor God by faithfully serving Him in your place of employment. 

4) Bosses, honor God by having His heart for people.

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.”