Celebrate Recovery® At DaySpring Christian Church In Fort Collins, Colorado
Small Group Guidelines
1. Keep your sharing focused on your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Please limit your sharing to three to five minutes.
2. There is NO cross-talk please. Cross-talk is when two people engage in a dialogue during the meeting. Each person sharing is free to express feelings without interruptions.
3. We are here to support one another. We will not attempt to “fix” one another.
4. Anonymity and confidentiality are basic requirements. What is shared in the group stays in the group. The only exception is when someone threatens to injure themselves or others.
5. Offensive language has no place in a Christ-centered recovery group.
The Problem and The Solution
Many of us blame ourselves for the addict’s behavior: We tell ourselves, “If only I were more attractive, thinner, taller, shorter, etc —if only I were more sexual.”
The Problem
We give in to others’ behaviors, only to lose ourselves in the
process. Sometimes, we have even participated in their sexual
fantasies, or joined in by buying pornography or renting videos,
leaving us feeling used and abused. Some of us ignored or did not
recognize the signs that the addict was living a secret life.
Many of us blame the addict and their behavior for every problem
in our relationship. We believe that if they would only change
then everything would be fine. In essence, co-dependents are
addicted to their spouse’s behaviors. They either give in to the
addict, try to control them or make them stop.
We have sometimes pretended to family, friends, and co-workers
that everything is “wonderful.” We have been unforgiving and
sometimes punishing toward the addict.
Co-dependent people in a relationship with a sexually addicted
spouse may share the following experiences:
- Having a spouse who has continually called “900” sex
numbers. - Having a spouse who is currently having or has had an affair.
- You, yourself, are having an affair.
- Issues dealing with molestation and abuse from spouse.
- Their spouse is having homosexual affairs.
- Their spouse is watching adult sex videos and buying
pornography (magazines). - Their spouse is having sex with prostitutes.
The Solution
The co-dependent person can achieve the following:
- Hear the struggles of other co-dependents.
- Learn healthy, Christian values for family roles and rules.
- Gain information about healthy sexuality and relationships.
- Break through denial and other unhealthy family patterns.
- Encouragement from the group to find peace, strength, and grace through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
- Build healthy relationships by finding love and acceptance in a “safe” place to share.
- Realize that we could not control the addict or their behavior.
- Understand that our problems are emotional and spiritual.
- Face our denial and accept the truth about our lives, and our past issues.
- Realize that blaming ourselves, trying to control the addict and/or ignoring their behavior, refusing to set and uphold our own personal boundaries, are all signs of co-addiction.
- Accept responsibility for our own actions and make Jesus the Lord of our lives.
- Become dedicated to learning about sexual addiction and co-addiction and becoming partners with our spouse in recovery.
- Realize we are not responsible for their addiction or recovery. It is not our job to “cure” them.
- Find healthy ways to release our fears and anger and refuse to use anger inappropriately toward the addict.
- Have a safe place to share fears, hurt, or anger and also to rejoice in victories.
- Face our own defects and work through these feelings.
- Take the focus off of the addict and focus on God and our own thoughts and feelings.
JOIN CELEBRATE RECOVERY® EVERY FRIDAY @ 6:30 PM
Every Friday night, Celebrate Recovery’s doors are open for you to come and share in the experience of change. This is not a “class”, so you are welcome to join us anytime you choose. The large group begins at 6:30 p.m. with music, followed by an inspiring and challenging message or a powerful testimony of a changed life. Gender-specific open share groups start at 7:30 p.m. You are welcome to begin attending these share groups immediately and no, you don’t have to share.
Is There Something Else We Can Help With?
To find out more on how you can Celebrate Recovery over your hurts, habits, and hang-ups, submit a request to have a Celebrate Recovery leader reach out to you and have a conversation on the next steps to take.
Do you still have questions?
We'd love to connect with you and discuss any questions you may still have!